Mary Preston and her husband pictured a restful and quiet retirement. Instead, they’ve joined two million other grandparents nationwide who are bringing up their children’s children.
When asked if she thought she’d be raising teenagers at 75 years of age, Mary Preston just laughs.
“Funny you should ask. I didn’t intend to, but it just happened that way,” Mary says. “We got them, and we are legal guardians of these children.”
The road to kinship care
Going to court was a daunting prospect for Mary: “It’s the only time I took something to court, and I didn’t know how to do it. I struggled, but we made it. And I’m proud to have them.”
The grandchildren had lived with Mary and her husband Eddie on and off since birth. The instability was hard on all of them. “Finally, we just got tired,” Mary explains.
Granddaughter Krystal knew why she and her younger brother Burgess couldn’t stay with their mother: “My life was pretty rough. Sometimes I would go through starving. Sometimes I would have to go through being so cold at night or being scared.”
The physical safety and comfort of her grandmother’s house was only the first step in Krystal’s healing.
“When I first came to my grandma, I would never really talk about it,” 16-year-old Krystal says. “My anger was all stored up in me until it somehow burst out into yelling and screaming. I went through counseling, and now I’m doing great so far.”
Mary agrees: “She did have some setbacks when first here. She’s coming out of that now and doing good. She loves church and she’s a mostly happy-go-lucky child.”
Burgess, now 14, has settled in well, too.
“He’s very friendly,” Mary says. “All his teachers say he’s good. Everywhere I go, I get a good report. I’m pushing him to do his lessons better.”
“It’s fun living with [Mary and Eddie],“ Burgess says. “Sometimes they make us do things we don’t want to do, but it’s going to help us later.”
Preserving the family bond
Kinship care, Mary realizes, is not for everyone.
“I truly think if you’re going to take kids at our age and try to raise them, you need to want to do what you’re doing,” she says. “And you need to love them enough to take them.”
She knows she made the right choice for her family’s needs and values.
“I think we’re doing OK,” she says. “I think it’s better for [children] to come up with family than a foster home. I’m not knocking foster homes, but I would rather have them here. I know what we’ll do.”